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Conversation Toolkit for Success: Declarations
Are you treading water in your personal or professional life? Declarations open up new worlds of possibility.
Maybe you haven’t committed to something you’ve been twirling around in your mind.
Like everyone else, I sometimes need a kick in the pants to finally take a stand. Over the last couple of years I have declined work that I no longer find interesting despite the money it might bring. I have found time to experiment in other areas with great satisfaction. I don’t know where it will lead but the steps in that direction are satisfying despite the qualms. I’ve acted by taking part in creative workshops after years of whining about wanting to do so. The art I’ve created in process painting workshops adorn my office walls. Even if no one else sees them, I am happy just looking at them. Plus I have a new set of creative compadres I wouldn’t have met had I not taken the plunge in a weekly creative writing class.
Consider what declarations you could make that would change your world.
(more…)Conversation Toolkit for Success: Offers
What have you offered lately? Are you waiting for an invitation?
Too often wannabe leaders sit back and do exactly that; wait for others to ask them to participate in a project, spearhead a meeting, serve on a committee, or contribute an idea. These opportunities could contribute to his or her professional standing. While they wait, someone else has been asked or has volunteered. There’s goes her or his chance to shine and move to the head of the pack.
An Offer is the third communication tool that generates action. Not third in importance. They all contribute to your success at work, in relationships, in your community. Part 1 described commitments. Part 2 emphasized the importance of asking for help. All articles cover definitions, impact, and questions for reflection. Each is brief and intended to provoke thinking. All tools are based on the work of Fernando Flores.
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I’m far from perfect on this one myself. This website is an offer. And I don’t consistently add articles. I can claim that I have a busy schedule, and I do, but I undermine myself by not carrying out my offer.
On the plus side, I did check in with a client last week to offer a very exciting new program developed by a friend of mine about dealing with politics in organizations. It’s called Organizational Savvy. That opened up another conversation about what else I could do for them. There’s potential there. I might have missed out on some opportunities if I hadn’t made the offer. Plus If the client goes with the Org Savvy program, I’ll be can lead that program for them. It helps me, my client, and my friend and colleague.
Offer: An expression of readiness to give or do something if desired by another
Impact:
*You enhance your reputation as you become known as someone who is willing to step up to the plate, to do your share, to be action oriented in the service of a person, project, or organization.
*You expand your capacity, develop your portfolio, build a network, create new clients.
*You expand your horizons, explore new territory, get unstuck, eliminate boredom.
Questions for reflection:
*What are you hesitating to offer? *What do you have to gain if you make the offer? *What are you afraid you might lose? *Have you checked in with your client base recently to see if there is anything they need? *What obvious needs might you fill (without resentment) for *your family and close friends? *Imagine a year from now that you are looking back at having made that offer which someone took you up on. How is your life different today as a result? *Are you delaying because you may have to spend too much time? For many people, days are way too full as it is. Keep track for a week of how much time you spend doing what. You may be surprised how many extra hours are available if you just got organized.
If you’ve read this far, here’s my offer. Email me with questions about anything on my website and I will respond within 3 days or sooner.
Conversation Toolkit for Success: Asking for help:
This article addresses requests or asking for help. Part 1 described commitments. All articles cover definitions, impact, and questions for reflection. Each is brief and intended to provoke thinking. All draw from the work of Fernando Flores and Humberto Maturana.
I’m guilty. I usually think I must do everything alone. Surely someone will volunteer. Surely they’ve read my mind that I would welcome help. To ask for help is a symptom of incompetence. Isn’t it?
(more…)Conversation Toolkit for Success: Commitments
For one day, keep track of the time you spend at work in conversation. Count meetings, phone calls, hall way chats, and lunch. Record brief notes about the content, who you spoke with, and the outcome of the interaction. Are you making progress while just talking? Are you satisfied? Maybe.
Businesses are mostly networks of conversations. Seldom do you see anyone doing anything in this information age besides communicating or preparing communications. A chart showing who is communicating with whom and how often would tell you more than the official org chart about the currents that provide the electricity and power in the company. The question is how powerful are the conversations. Are they circular or do they produce effective action?
Begin to notice how often conversations are gossip, complaining, or playing ‘ain?’t it awful’ together. Getting something off your chest and commiserating generate sympathy. But that doesn’t move you forward.
(more…)Should my client retake the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator?
People often ask this question when their client self-selects a Myers-Briggs Type Code that differs from the one that was reported on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.
The answer is No. It is not necessary to retake the MBTI®.
Why not? Wouldn’t they then get an official, perhaps computer-generated report, that proves that it is their type? Not necessarily. And what’s the point anyway?
The goal is for them to identify their type. You can help them confirm their type by guiding the client through a self-selection process and then confirming type by reading any number of excellent type description booklets out there.
(more…)Retooling on the Run: Real Change for Leaders with No Time
Dr. Stuart Heller wrote this timeless book in 1995. In 2006 I attended his 3 day class found a him a genuine, insightful, likeable expert in somatics and their application. I “got” the profundity of the somatic approach working with Stuart. How could simply moving your hands or being aware of your feet create shifts in your attitude and actions? The simple turned out to be profound.
(more…)Your Body and Coaching: Try Walking…
Much has been written about the importance of coordination of mind (expressed through language), body, and emotions in being effective in your professional and personal life.
The body is the focus here. Not how tall, how short, or how fit you are, but about how you hold your body and how it supports or undermines your efforts to be successful.
It would seem obvious that we are aware of our bodies, but that is not always true. For instance, after a challenging day leading a group, I have noticed that my thighs ache indicating that I’ve tensed them during the day to keep my balance and focus. I was not “in my body” while facilitating. It’s only in the last few years, that I’ve begun to learn and practice postures that help me achieve what I deem important.
(more…)Trust and Organizations
Trust issues frequently surface in conversations with clients. It’s the elephant that no one will talk about.The context is usually around getting the work done. People don’t trust that managers are telling them the real motivation behind their assignments. Managers don’t trust that their employees will deliver on their goals on time. Or people don’t trust that a teammate has anything but her own self-interests at heart. People are protecting their backs. Or, the more naive are stunned when left holding the bag on less than satisfactory work.
This article examines what trust is, what builds trust, and what breaks trust followed with an outline of a conversation to the stage for productive work environment, satisfying relationships, and authentic trust.
(more…)Ontological Coaching
Ontological Coaching is an approach to exploring the coachee’s way of being. Who is this person who has coped successfully until now yet has run into areas where help is needed?
An ontological coach helps the client to consider who she is by the language she uses, the emotions and moods she lives, and in the way her body supports her in living the life she strives for. We do have the ability to change and grow and much of that depends on her choices.
There is no denying that clients are looking for the tools, skills, and processes to be more effective in their lives. In other words, they seek new behaviors to help them achieve a higher order of satisfaction both professionally and personally. These are necessary ingredients of the coaching toolkit.
These behaviors can be found in many books or modeled by others they know or taught in leadership and management programs. They are available.
What prevents people from incorporating the beneficial behaviors is how they see the world. For instance, if you see the world as hostile, you would become equipped for battle. If you see yourself as incompetent, you are less likely to promote yourself.
While language has for eons been considered a tool to define the world so we share a common vocabulary, it is also a tool for crafting the life we wish to lead. We need the distinctions language gives us so we understand our universe better.
Language also creates new worlds. There are 5 categories of speech that we examine. These are requests, offers, promises, assertions, and declarations. Briefly, requests make it possible for us to gain support. Offers are ways to extend our contributions to others and the world. Promises are commitments to take action. Assertions are facts and evidence to ground our statements. Declarations set the context for future action. “You’re hired” shifts the world for both the manager and the new person coming on board.
One huge area for exploration are our assessments (rather than facts) of a situation, a person, or ourself. We often just plain make stuff up about what a person meant or what caliber of individual someone is. We just might be wrong. If we assess that someone is not dependable based on limited information, we might bypass an opportunity to work with someone who really is just the person you needed for a project.
Clients, and me too, benefit from exploring which we do too much of, to little of, or too poorly.
Emotions and moods determine what we are motivated to do or to avoid. We can change those moods. We need not be at the affect of them.
Leaders must pay attention to others’ moods and address them in order have more motivated people on the job.
Our body either works for or against us as we broadcast our moods or emotions, our intentions, our ideas, our confidence, our credibility, our caring. Try telling someone how excited and enthused you are sitting slumped in a chair with your eyes looking down. You can’t. People are stumped. Should they believe the message in the words or in the body? They’ll choose the one they want to believe and be disappointed later.
Once the body, language, and emotions are congruent, then the tools and new behaviors, tools, or skills can be incorporated easily. Otherwise they are only spray paint that makes you look good temporarily. The structure has not been prepared to maintain the new paing.
Difficult Conversations by Stone, Patton, Heen
The authors give useful distinctions and many conversation examples. The three 3 conversation components either spoken or unspoken (what happened, the underlying feelings and identity issues) are useful for any consultant facilitating meaningful and transformative client conversations. My copy has bent corners and underlining throughout.